Insomnia

Can't sleep again. It's 3:00 AM, and I've woke in a panic.

I'm feeling extremely 'eh', and can't seem to shake this feeling that there is something wrong with either me, everyone that I meet, or everyone in general. This anxiety is very irritating; plus, I've had a cold for the past two or three days so I'm having a coughing battle while I'm trying to sleep and that's just not really working out, now is it?

At least my brother is home. We had a bonding moment earlier today when he got home from camp. I sort of think he can tell me most things, which is interesting for a little brother 6.5 years younger than you. We talked briefly about how he wished he was more 'different' from everyone else, and I expressed the same sentiments. We have both lived an outwardly generic life; we've lived in the same house our whole lives, we both have always gotten good grades, never failed anything or gotten any big achievement awards, and I feel personally... maybe faded into the background a little bit. We've even had the same friggin' dog our whole lives - he's 18.5 years old!

Which brings me to another point; my dog, Spuds. He is getting extremely old and getting very skinny. He can't see but a foot in front of him and he can't hear unless you're yelling. He's slip-sliding on the hardwood floors because I don't believe his hips are holding him up the way they should. I slip him pain medication sometimes, wrapped in cheese. There isnt much quality of life there, but he still eats and gets around and my ...ah, my father. He loves that dog and could never willingly end his life unless under extreme circumstances. And what can be said of quality of life anyway; so ambiguous, and who is to say what is right and what is not. I will support his decision, and I love my dog.

Ah, but I digress. Maybe that is what sets us apart and actually makes us different... that we've had such an uninterrupted and seemingly generic life on the surface. I never even got a detention in high school, if you'll believe it. But I wish there was something that I was particularly good at. Sure, I like animals and I'm trying to get into Vet School or whatever, but that's not really a talent. Yea, I play the piano sort of and I played the violin for seven years, but I never really got that good at it. ehh...

*Bangs head on wall*

I just wanna drop everything and move to a jungle!

Wait a minute... this sounds a little like the start of a habitual theme :P