My Letter to Sweden

Dear Sweden,

There are so many things I want to say to you before I go but, please know, that I'm going to miss you. I'm going to miss your education system, and all the goodness that comes with it including not having to go to class, not having homework (ever), and basically playing the Sims 3 or reading during all my lectures and still getting good grades. I don't appreciate you making it so cold though, you frigid bitch. I'm pretty sure I'm never going to feel my thighs again.

Additionally, biking 3 miles to school and 3 miles back? Thanks for trying to be kind and making me lose some of my fat ass but, honestly, don't you think that was a little harsh? I know what you're thinking; but the scenery is so pretty! Well, those are really nice sentiments, but 1 mile could have done it, or maybe some warm weather to make up for the distance? Or what about a moped... or maybe not making me get up super early to go to class, half asleep as I peddle my wobbly legs... Okay, okay sorry, I'm getting out of hand when you've been so good to me.

You gave me an AWESOME living situation with 8 other people that I really like. Also I got my own room with my own bathroom! Seriously, every other living situation has been pretty much hell, and you took this into account and totally pimped yourself out for me, and I appreciate it. Also, thanks for the eye candy. Your people are every stereotype I thought they'd be -- thanks for being so straight forward about it. And thanks for deporting all your redheads, I've only caught a few strays. Which reminds me...

Appreciation goes out for you letting me be your foreign, intriguing, redheaded, American babe (subjective? Maybe...) for a semester. It gave me rather a lot of social leeway in cool points without any extra effort!

But... Eff you for how expensive you made the food. Seriously, as an American, I eat a lot of meat and you really screwed me on that. Also, government-run alcohol stores... that close at 5 pm?!?!?! YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR MIND! I suppose you think because it gets dark at 3 pm that you can do this sort of thing, but I honestly think you need to reevaluate your archaic ways. I'm 21... I CAN'T PLAN AHEAD!

However, you probably think you more than made up for it by making me tolerate (key word) [[very]]chopped up cooked carrots and onions, but this was only a minor sacrifice on your part. However, I'm willing to look it over because you housed me away from all the psychopaths in my motherland for 4 months. Luckily, if I should eventually get the ball rolling on my plan for world-domination, your snow-covered breasts will not be a target for any chemical warfare or nuclear attacks. HEY, I'M JUST SAYING ITS A POSSIBILITY.

Thanks again,

Your trusty steed,

Haley

P.S. ICA Folkes, you can just go die.

P.P.S. But save the 3 for 10 candy bars you have, its all you're good for.

<3